Written By : Chris James – AwesomeJelly.com
Oh, the joys of being a parent! There are many, but those lovely little children sure can cause us parents to go absolutely crazy at times!
Don’t get me wrong, I love all four of my children to death, but sweet baby Jesus do they mess with my brain. Their ages are 5, 7, 8 and 11…all going on 24 and they all know everything about life.
Here are 20 (truly minor) things that really get under my skin as a parent…am I alone here? I look forward to reading your comments and input below!
1. Yogurt & Other Unknown Food Particles
Cleaning yogurt out of dishes, lunchboxes, clothing and all surfaces known to man. Our kids love yogurt, love it so much that they feel the need to leave traces of it where ever they go. Emptying out lunch boxes is the worst. I am not sure what happens between the trip to school and back home, but it appears that the lunchbox was thrown from a moving vehicle, ran over by another vehicle, tossed into some sort of river, lake or pond and then brought back home. It’s crazy!
2. Picking A Seat When Entering The Vehicle
This is clearly a daily occurrence. You would think that after riding in the same vehicle as a family day in a day out that the children would have some sort of idea of where they are going to sit. Nope! These kids truly take the ‘Everyday is a new day’ phrase to a heart.
Getting into the vehicle is a true struggle for these kiddos. Watching them battle among themselves about who is going to sit where is very similar to watching old war movies where they soldiers are trying to plan out their next big take down. Heaven forbid we have to make a quick stop before our final destination, because the entire process will start again!
3. Small, Tiny Pieces Of Trash
You look around your home and everything is spotless or at least spotless by your definition. You turn your head for no less than 3 seconds and there is a small wrapper or piece of trash either on the kitchen table, or on the floor. Maybe it is a simple gum wrapper, or maybe it just a piece of ripped paper that one of the children decided to tear or and chuck into the air and walk away like they just completed an epic mic drop, either way…something is there that wasn’t there a moment prior. How does this happen? Hint: nobody knows.
Ahh yes, I’m sure you gasped when you saw the dreaded word…toys. Toys are everywhere, everywhere you don’t want them to be or where they should be. Walking around your home is much like walking through a landmine of sharp, plastic, oblique objects. Head outside, maybe to mow the lawn or do a little yard work and you will miscellaneous toy objects strewn about.
There is no shortage of parental input about picking up the toys either. Informing your children to pick up their toys and put them back where they belong are words that just don’t seem to register with any child under the age of 12.
5. Poopy Talk
What on earth is the obsession with poop talk. Poop this and poop that. You would think that we are constantly in the midst of a shit storm. Now don’t get me wrong, a little poop talk can be funny at times, but these kids…they are dropping poop nuggets and poop face bombs all over the joint. As a parent and big kid myself, there are times that I may throw in a little poopy talk of my own to the mix…but it’s quick and then it is over with. These kids just don’t quit. (Don’t judge me either people…a little poopy talk is good for the soul. Life doesn’t have to be that serious all of the time).
6. Homework From Hell
I thought I hated homework when I was in school. Little did I know I would grow to despise it later in life. The spelling words and the projects. The essay’s and the math. The shit these kids are doing now a days is crazy. Have you seen the math homework that gets sent home? After reviewing our kids math homework, I often wonder if when I drop them off in the morning for school, if they are not being swept away to some NASA training facility for the day. It’s craziness!
Once the homework is figured out from a parental stand point, then comes the fun of trying to explain it to the child, as if that child was never in class when the lesson was being taught. The child suddenly seems to have had a mild stroke of sorts during class and has possibly blacked out and forgot every single word the teacher said in regards to how to complete the damn homework assignment. So yea…….homework.
7. Clothing & Laundry
On a daily basis our kids will change their clothing at least three times. This all takes place after school in just a short period of time too. Our children wear uniforms to school and when they get home it is like the Berlin wall has just come down and freedom is ringing. Freedom to change their clothes over and over and over again.
With the mass amount of changing happening the laundry load increased. I am not sure about your children, but our children feel that the moment a piece of clothing touches their skin, it is dirty and needs to be washed. Nope, wrong! We finally got a handle on the changing situation after we noticed the laundry basket was filled with clothing that we had just washed the day before. Don’t worry kiddos, your parents have nothing better to do than rewash the clean laundry they just folded and put away for you the day before.
Snacks, I hate that word. ” Dad, can I have a snack”, “Mom, can I have something to eat”. Those words are spoken more times in our home than any other. As parents, we often explain to the children that they are not that hungry all of the time and they need to simply chill out on the snack situation. We explain to them that there are many children and adults in this world that don’t have ‘snacks’ and that they need to appreciate their snacks, savior them for times when they are truly hungry. Nah, that doesn’t work.
It is as though the kids have never seen food before. We have created a ‘healthy’ snack type schedule however and this seems to be working, for the most part. Another funny thing about ‘snacks’, is that when the kids would go to look for a snack, they say we have nothing to eat. What? I could have swore I bought food when I spent $300 at the grocery store yesterday! Sweet baby Jesus, if I didn’t drink already, these kids would drive me to it!
9. Brushing Teeth
It always amazed me that children who have been brushing their teeth twice a day for years upon years, still ask, “Do I have to brush my teeth?” Shit, Johnny…of course you don’t have to brush your teeth. We made a new rule in the home, no more brushing your teeth! We really want to get your teeth so nasty and messed up that we have to spend thousands of dollars on dental bills! So yea, you don’t have to brush your teeth.
Lord help us all. Tattling has to be the worst thing ever, literally….ever. Having four children running around there is no shortage of tattling. One minute everyone can be getting along great, life is good and they are all the absolute best of friends. Then, all hell breaks loose and kids come flying out of nowhere and find a parent. Typically my wife and I are hiding at this point, so it truly amazes me that they even find us, but they do!
The tattling begins! He did this and she said that and poopy talk this and poopy talk that. As parents you can probably agree that much like us, you could care less about their petty little arguments. But, as parents…it is our sad, sad job to mediate between these children and uphold decency and respect in the household.
You finally get the kids settled and feel you have done a great job mediating the situation and all is calm, the children apologize to one another and life is good…right? Wrong! Just after the apologies take place you tell the kids to go play, nicely and as they are walking off you hear one of them say to the other “your a poop face”. What is going on? Didn’t we just talk about the name calling and how we need to respect one another!!! As a side note, when this does happen, It is hard to keep a straight face…especially if the kid was kinda being a poop face.
*Side note : When I was in school, Kindergarten to be exact, my teacher had a brilliant idea. I never understood just how brilliant it was until I had children.
My teacher drew a large picture of a man, colored his face and filled in his features…made him look welcoming. She had the image laminated and she stuck it on the cabinet door in our classroom. His name…was Mr. Tattle. If you were not bleeding or hurt and you felt you needed to tattle, go whisper it to Mr. Tattle. GENIUS! This woman was GENIUS! She never had to hear all the little petty tattling! I love her for that and I wish I could go back and tell her that I love her, but I can’t, so I’m over it now.
So there you have it folks! Ten little things that kids do, just to irritate us parents. This wasn’t rant by any means, it was written with love and humor. I wouldn’t trade being a parent for the world. Parenting is one of the most frustrating yet amazing opportunities one can have in life. Love you kids, have fun with your kids and be an awesome parent!
Thanks for reading!