Sometimes you just have to let them rip. Your body will thank you…and the people around you may thank you in the long run, once you find out what happens when you keep your toots locked up!
First off…here is a little background on the fart. A typical fart is made up of 4% oxygen, 7% methane, 9% carbon dioxide, 21% hydrogen and 59% nitrogen. Mercaptans and hydrogen sulfide only make up 1% of fart. The percentage of different gases in a fart will determine how much it stinks.
The stinky level is also determined by what you eat. To reduce the smell, you should avoid foods such as bran, cabbage, broccoli and beans. To increase the smell and really irritate those around you…eat those foods like crazy!
Now…what happens when you hold a fart in? Well…it can lead to bad breath…that’s right…your breath with literally smell like shit.
Sometimes it will be impossible to hold in your farts. If you are sleeping or in a plane…the toots may just slip on out without warning.
Some people may have too much gas to hold in and they just have to release it. There was a story a while back in the news about a government employee who farted so much he got fired. His rank toots were made the workplace ‘intolerable”.
Holding in gas may cause heartburn, indigestion, bloating and in some cases, pain. When gas is held in, it means it cannot be expelled from the body. Since it has nowhere to go, it is absorbed by the intestinal wall and some of it mixes with our blood. The blood will go through the lungs and may cause bad breath (halitosis) or better known as ‘shit breath’.
ADVICE
So, the moral of the story. Just let your toots rip and hope for the best. If your gas is stinky and there are a lot of people around…by all mean…walk away slowly and never look back. You don’t want to be labeled as a stinky ass. If you can pass the blame on to someone nearby…that is exactly what you should do.
I know this next part is hard…at least for me it is. Don’t smile when you pass gas. That is a dead giveaway that it is you who has opened up the rankway express lane.
If you are on a date and you need to toot…sweet Jesus get away from your date as fast as possible and let it go. Do not, under no circumstances…expel your phosphorus b.s. near your date. That will be a mood killer and the only deal you will be sealing on that date is assuring yourself that there won’t be a second date.
Good luck and let them rip!
