{"id":29409,"date":"2021-03-24T09:07:36","date_gmt":"2021-03-24T13:07:36","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/awesomejelly.com\/?p=29409"},"modified":"2021-03-24T09:07:43","modified_gmt":"2021-03-24T13:07:43","slug":"sugarless-haribo-gummy-bear-reviews-on-amazon-are-the-funniest-thing-youll-ever-read","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/awesomejelly.com\/sugarless-haribo-gummy-bear-reviews-on-amazon-are-the-funniest-thing-youll-ever-read\/","title":{"rendered":"Sugarless Haribo Gummy Bear Reviews On Amazon Are The Funniest Thing You\u2019ll Ever Read"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"hasbro1\"<\/p>\n

Why on earth would anyone buy these sugar-free bears<\/a> after reviewers warned not to eat more than 15 at a time \u201cunless you are trying to power wash your intestines\u201d?<\/b><\/p>\n

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1.<\/span> From a review titled: \u201cJust don\u2019t. Unless it\u2019s a gift for someone you hate.<\/a>\u201c<\/h1>\n

\u201cWhat came out of me felt like someone tried to funnel Niagara Falls through a coffee straw. I swear my sphincters were screaming. It felt like my delicate starfish was a gaping maw projectile vomiting a torrential flood of toxic waste. 100% liquid. Flammable liquid. NAPALM.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Via amazon.com<\/a><\/p>\n

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2.<\/span> From a review titled: \u201cBe sure to buy Oxyclean too!<\/a>\u201c<\/h1>\n

\u201cBe sure to also buy a tub of Oxyclean with this to get the blood and diarrhea stains out of your underwear, clothes, furniture, pets, loved ones, ceiling fans.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/div>\n

Via amazon.com<\/a><\/div>\n
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3.<\/span> From a review titled: \u201cYup – Believe the hype!<\/a>\u201c<\/h1>\n

\u201cI saw the product reviews and told some coworkers, so we bought a bag (because who doesn\u2019t want to spend the workday on the toilet AND get paid, right??). Brought them in yesterday morning and a bunch of the guys immediately downed a handful each. Within half an hour they were in the bathroom. Best moment of the day was when one of them (who had been in the bathroom for half an hour by that point) texted one of the others. \u2018If you think it\u2019s a fart\u2026.it\u2019s NOT.\u2019 hahhaaaaaa\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Via amazon.com<\/a><\/p>\n

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4.<\/span> From a review titled: \u201cIt\u2019s. All. True.<\/a>\u201c<\/h1>\n

\u201cOMG. Everything previously written is true. It\u2019s all true. Don\u2019t eat more than 15 in a sitting unless you are trying to power wash your intestines.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/div>\n

Via amazon.com<\/a><\/div>\n
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5.<\/span> From a review titled: \u201cFully weaponized Gummy Bears<\/a>\u201c<\/h1>\n

\u201cThe cramping started about an hour later, and soon enough I was as bloated as a balloon in Macy\u2019s Thanksgiving Day Parade. When the rumbling started I sprinted down the hallway and made it to the bathroom just in time for the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse to stampede from my backside, laying waste to my home\u2019s septic system AND my will to live. After three hours of a pelvis-shaking Gummy Bear assault, I was spongy and weak, surprised that I had any bones left. I cursed Haribo with the little strength I could muster.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/div>\n

Via amazon.com<\/a><\/div>\n
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6.<\/span> From a review titled: \u201cAWESOME and EXPLOSIVE!!<\/a>\u201c<\/h1>\n

\u201cThe explosive gas let loose and to an explosive shart!!! 1 mile from home on my walk and it was a long 1 mile back and I had a mess!! Fortunately for compression shorts it didn\u2019t run down my legs!! Now I had to hold the gas for fear of blowing my entire intestines out into my shorts!! I made it home and what happened then was like something out of Dante\u2019s Inferno!!! My butt became an upside down volcano!! Best to stock up on toilet paper and toilet bowl cleaner as you will totally spray the bowl and back of the seat!! I would no sooner get done and have to go again. When you get the urge to \u201cgo\u201d you best be in proximity of toilet!!! I spent hours on the toilet.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/div>\n

Via amazon.com<\/a><\/div>\n
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7.<\/span> From a review titled: \u201cYou dont understand.<\/a>\u201c<\/h1>\n

\u201cI was glued to the toilet seat. Streams of fire burst from my colon. When i wasnt experiencing Satans fury exploding from my rear, i was laying in the fetal position on my bathroom floor, sobbing and asking for forgiveness. Im a 280 pound man. I. Was. Sobbing.<\/p>\n

When it was finally over, i couldnt move. I crawled onto the floor one last time and sat, motionless, until my dehydration finally required that i drink water. The other reviews are perfectly accurate. This is absolutely, 100% true.<\/p>\n

Eat two at a time. Three if you\u2019re brave. But for the love of God and all things on this earth, DO NOT EAT ANY MORE.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/div>\n

Via amazon.com<\/a><\/div>\n
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8.<\/span> From a review titled: \u201cExcellent taste, in small portions.<\/a>\u201c<\/h1>\n

\u201cDuring one of the last of the 8 trips to the bathroom, I released such a large volume of gas that my external anal sphincter could not do it\u2019s job, and remained open\/relaxed, while about 4.5-5 seconds of gas was expelled. I\u2019ve never experienced, or even heard of that happening. It was so unnatural, that I had to check to feel if my colon had somehow passed through the anal sphincter muscle.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/div>\n

Via amazon.com<\/a><\/div>\n
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9.<\/span> From a review titled: \u201cGastrointestinal Armageddon<\/a>\u201c<\/h1>\n

\u201cAfter a few hours, I had an EXTREME build-up of gas with no relief. All I could do was lie on my bed and pray for a fart. That might sound funny, but when you\u2019ve eaten something that has basically turned you into the blueberry girl from Willy Wonka, you\u2019re pleading for relief.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/div>\n

Via amazon.com<\/a><\/div>\n
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You can read the rest of the insane reviews on\u00a0Amazon<\/a>.<\/h1>\n

Do yourself a favor…head over to Amazon and read the rest! They are insanely hilarious!<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"gummy-bears\"<\/p>\n

<\/h1>\n

Like<\/span>\u00a0\u272a<\/span> Share\u00a0<\/span>\u272a Be\u00a0Awesome<\/span><\/span><\/h1>\n

 <\/p>\n

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\"jelly1\"<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Why on earth would anyone buy these sugar-free bears after reviewers warned not to eat more than 15 at a time \u201cunless you are trying to power wash your intestines\u201d? 1. From a review titled: \u201cJust don\u2019t. Unless it\u2019s a gift for someone you hate.\u201c \u201cWhat came out of me felt like someone tried to funnel Niagara Falls through a coffee straw. I swear my sphincters were screaming. It felt like my delicate starfish was a gaping maw projectile vomiting a torrential flood of toxic waste. 100% liquid. Flammable liquid. NAPALM.\u201d Via amazon.com 2. From a review titled: \u201cBe sure <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":29413,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"wprm-recipe-roundup-name":"","wprm-recipe-roundup-description":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[1,5843,4,27],"tags":[4931,378,5414,5413],"yst_prominent_words":[11533,9566,15891,10133,13428,9047,29776,15151,15790],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/awesomejelly.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/29409"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/awesomejelly.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/awesomejelly.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/awesomejelly.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/awesomejelly.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=29409"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/awesomejelly.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/29409\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":29414,"href":"https:\/\/awesomejelly.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/29409\/revisions\/29414"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/awesomejelly.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/29413"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/awesomejelly.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=29409"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/awesomejelly.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=29409"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/awesomejelly.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=29409"},{"taxonomy":"yst_prominent_words","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/awesomejelly.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/yst_prominent_words?post=29409"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}