{"id":41040,"date":"2017-08-15T13:02:50","date_gmt":"2017-08-15T17:02:50","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/awesomejelly.com\/?p=41040"},"modified":"2017-08-15T13:03:36","modified_gmt":"2017-08-15T17:03:36","slug":"funny-two-line-jokes","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/awesomejelly.com\/funny-two-line-jokes\/","title":{"rendered":"20+ Of The Funniest Two-Line Jokes Ever!"},"content":{"rendered":"

 <\/p>\n

Who doesn’t like a good joke<\/a>? No one…that’s who!\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

We scoured the Internet for the finest two-liners and came up with this list. Feel free to share with your friends<\/a>, co-workers…or maybe just your kids friends! \ud83d\ude42\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

\n

1. <\/strong><\/span><\/h1>\n

Parallel lines have so much in common. <\/strong><\/p>\n

It’s a shame they will never meet.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

\n

2.\u00a0<\/strong><\/span><\/h1>\n

My wife accused me of being immature.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

I told her to get out of my fort.<\/strong><\/p>\n

\n

3.<\/span>\u00a0<\/strong><\/h1>\n

Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Then they call me ugly and poor.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

\n

4.<\/span>\u00a0<\/strong><\/h1>\n

What do you call a dog with no legs?<\/strong><\/p>\n

It doesn’t matter, it will never come.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

\n

5.\u00a0<\/span><\/h1>\n

What’s green, fuzzy and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you?<\/strong><\/p>\n

A pool table.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

\n

6.<\/strong><\/span><\/h1>\n

How do you find Will Smith in the snow?<\/strong><\/p>\n

You look for the fresh prints.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

\n

7.\u00a0<\/strong><\/span><\/h1>\n

I went to a very emotional wedding last weekend.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Even the wedding cake was in tiers.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

\n

8.<\/strong>\u00a0<\/span><\/h1>\n

Our family has a serious issue with diarrhea.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

I guess you could say it runs in our jeans.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

\n

9.<\/strong><\/span><\/h1>\n

The the handicapped man who stole my purse.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

You can hide, but you can’t run.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

\n

10.<\/strong><\/span><\/h1>\n

Someone stole my mood ring.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

I’m not sure how I feel about that.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

\n

CLICK NEXT FOR MORE JOKES!<\/span><\/h1>\n

<\/p>\n

11.\u00a0<\/strong><\/span><\/h1>\n

The first rule of Alzheimer’s club…<\/strong><\/p>\n

Is don’t talk about chess club. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\n

12.<\/span><\/h1>\n

I told my wife she was drawing on her eyebrows too high.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

She looked surprised.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

\n

13.<\/span>\u00a0<\/strong><\/h1>\n

I threw a boomerang a few years ago.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Now I live in constant fear.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

\n

14.<\/strong><\/span><\/h1>\n

You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

\n

15.<\/strong><\/span><\/h1>\n

Remember…you are not completely useless.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

You can always serve as a bad example.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

\n

16.<\/strong><\/span><\/h1>\n

I broke my finger last week.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

On the other hand, I’m okay.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

\n

17.<\/strong><\/span><\/h1>\n

Working in a mirror factory is something I can totally see myself doing.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

\n

18.\u00a0<\/strong><\/span><\/h1>\n

How does Moses make his coffee?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Hebrews it.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

\n

19.<\/strong><\/span><\/h1>\n

Why do cows wear bells?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Because their horns don’t work.<\/strong><\/p>\n

\n

20.<\/span>\u00a0<\/strong><\/h1>\n

What’s the difference between a well dressed man on a bike and a poorly dressed man on a unicycle?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Attire.<\/strong><\/p>\n

\n

CLICK NEXT FOR MORE JOKES!<\/span><\/h1>\n

<\/p>\n

21.<\/strong><\/span><\/h1>\n

I entered ten puns in a pun contents hoping one would win.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

But no pun in ten did.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

\n

22.<\/strong><\/span><\/h1>\n

I feel bad for the homeless guy…but I really feel bad for the homeless guy’s dog.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

That dog must be thinking ‘man, this is the longest walk ever’.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

\n

23.<\/strong><\/span><\/h1>\n

What happened when the strawberry crossed the road?<\/strong><\/p>\n

There was a traffic jam.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

\n

24.\u00a0<\/strong><\/span><\/h1>\n

I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was a kid.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

\n

25.<\/strong>\u00a0<\/span><\/h1>\n

My friend gave me an Epi-Pen as he was dying.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

It seemed very important to him that I have it.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

\n

26.<\/strong><\/span><\/h1>\n

Why can’t orphans play baseball?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Because they don’t know where home is.<\/strong><\/p>\n

\n

27.\u00a0<\/strong><\/span><\/h1>\n

I broke up with my blind girlfriend the other day.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

She never saw it coming.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

  Who doesn’t like a good joke? No one…that’s who!\u00a0 We scoured the Internet for the finest two-liners and came up with this list. Feel free to share with your friends, co-workers…or maybe just your kids friends! \ud83d\ude42\u00a0 1. Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they will never meet.\u00a0 2.\u00a0 My wife accused me of being immature.\u00a0 I told her to get out of my fort. 3.\u00a0 Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make.\u00a0 Then they call me ugly and poor.\u00a0 4.\u00a0 What do you call a dog with <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":41041,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"wprm-recipe-roundup-name":"","wprm-recipe-roundup-description":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[6598,6584,1,5843],"tags":[129,2965,672,1511],"yst_prominent_words":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/awesomejelly.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/41040"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/awesomejelly.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/awesomejelly.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/awesomejelly.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/awesomejelly.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=41040"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/awesomejelly.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/41040\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":41043,"href":"https:\/\/awesomejelly.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/41040\/revisions\/41043"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/awesomejelly.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/41041"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/awesomejelly.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=41040"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/awesomejelly.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=41040"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/awesomejelly.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=41040"},{"taxonomy":"yst_prominent_words","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/awesomejelly.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/yst_prominent_words?post=41040"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}