{"id":7324,"date":"2015-06-23T20:35:17","date_gmt":"2015-06-24T00:35:17","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/awesomejelly.com\/?p=7324"},"modified":"2017-03-23T18:24:09","modified_gmt":"2017-03-23T22:24:09","slug":"best-craigslist","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/awesomejelly.com\/best-craigslist\/","title":{"rendered":"This Is One Of The Best Craigslist Ads Ever Written! Absolutely Hilarious!"},"content":{"rendered":"

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This Craigslist ad may have been removed by Craigslist…but we copied it just prior to the take down…for your enjoyment of course!<\/p>\n

The brilliant part about the ad is the fact that it is written as a sales pitch for a early\u00a080’s lawn riding lawn mower. It is a little vulgar, but still a good, humorous read.<\/p>\n

\"riding<\/a><\/p>\n

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For sale: one early 80\u2019s Craftsman riding lawn mower with an 11 horse power engine and 30\u2033 mowing deck. Bottom line, this beast is a sick ride! In fact, I\u2019d even say it\u2019s the El Camino of yard whips. Just take a look at those sweet ass rims. So dope they look rented. \u202a<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n

Wait, is that a chicken in the background? Damn straight! Because the Craftsman riding lawn mower was considered the barnyard pimp of its day. Get yer yerrd on, fool!<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

\n

Is it fast? Ever heard of old school 3 on the tree? Well, this whip\u2019s got 8 on the hip. That\u2019s right, 8 screamin\u2019 gears of merciless speed! Need to mow that $h!t Richard petty style? No problem. Snappin\u2019 necks and mowin\u2019 decks, homie\u2026<\/p>\n

Just look at this beast. It even has the original factory pin striping. This NASCAR style speed demon will look quick just sitting in your driveway. Neighbors be like \u201cSMH with envy.\u201d Don\u2019t dare put this baby in the shed. She deserves the garage. \u202a<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n

Does it run, you ask? HELLS YEAH! Like a pack of Kenyans on crystal meth! This bad boy just got a carburetor rebuild, new seals all the way around and a brand new battery installed. Turns over quicker than your prom date. And you don\u2019t even need to buy it wine coolers.<\/p>\n

Don\u2019t get me started on the mowing deck! 30 full inches of precision slicin\u2019 and dicin\u2019. Cuts better than Edward Scissor Hands and Lorena Bobbit in a knife fight. And this blade runner has 8 cutting heights! Go full Brazilian with a 1 inch cut, or bring your field of dreams up to 8 inches, 1970\u2019s style; your choice. All I\u2019m sayin\u2019 is this mo-fo fades a lawn better than a set of hair clippers at Fantastic Sams. Whaaaa?<\/p>\n

But can I mow with it at night, you ask? Who hasn\u2019t awoken at O\u2019dark:30 to mow their lawn black ops style? No problem with this night rider. It has a fully functioning head light, Michael. \u202a<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n

Pretty sure this man-ride is the luxury model. It\u2019s equipped with a plush pleather spring ride seat for those Brokeback yards, 10 inch Kung Fu grip steering wheel and rubberized foot pads. Ain\u2019t no footloose goin\u2019 on up in here. Safety first, homies!<\/p>\n

You<\/span>: So how much is this Kentucky bluegrass love machine?
\nMe: Just $500.\u00b0\u00b0.
\nYou<\/span>: Wait, what?
\nMe: That\u2019s right, you heard me, only $500 greenbacks.
\nThe world<\/span>: How is that possible?
\nMe: my family and I have enjoyed using this cutting-deck of dope-ness since it\u2019s immaculate inception back in the 80\u2019s. Can you say one owner? Yup!<\/p>\n

It\u2019s time this black pearl set sail and find another crew to roll with. It\u2019s faded many lawns in its day and is looking for the greener grass on your side of the fence.<\/p>\n

Don\u2019t wait to call or you\u2019ll be tellin\u2019 stories about the one that got away for the rest of your life, or call me now and become the lawn jockey you always dreamed to be.<\/p>\n

No texts, please. I need to hear your voice and know that this family pet is going to a 100% full blooded american.<\/p>\n

\"best<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

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Like<\/span>\u00a0\u272a<\/span> Share\u00a0<\/span>\u272a Be\u00a0Awesome<\/span><\/span><\/h1>\n

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\"jelly1\"<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

  This Craigslist ad may have been removed by Craigslist…but we copied it just prior to the take down…for your enjoyment of course! The brilliant part about the ad is the fact that it is written as a sales pitch for a early\u00a080’s lawn riding lawn mower. It is a little vulgar, but still a good, humorous read. For sale: one early 80\u2019s Craftsman riding lawn mower with an 11 horse power engine and 30\u2033 mowing deck. Bottom line, this beast is a sick ride! In fact, I\u2019d even say it\u2019s the El Camino of yard whips. Just take a <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":7326,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"wprm-recipe-roundup-name":"","wprm-recipe-roundup-description":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[1,5843,4,27],"tags":[2576,568,129],"yst_prominent_words":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/awesomejelly.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7324"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/awesomejelly.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/awesomejelly.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/awesomejelly.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/awesomejelly.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7324"}],"version-history":[{"count":8,"href":"https:\/\/awesomejelly.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7324\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":37897,"href":"https:\/\/awesomejelly.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7324\/revisions\/37897"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/awesomejelly.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/7326"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/awesomejelly.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7324"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/awesomejelly.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7324"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/awesomejelly.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7324"},{"taxonomy":"yst_prominent_words","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/awesomejelly.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/yst_prominent_words?post=7324"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}