When Walter Harris’ family opened the newspaper to the obituary section, they were shocked to see his obituary. Harris had just passed away from cancer and the family had not written his obituary yet.
Harris had gone ahead and written his own obituary prior to his death. Believing that people take their own lives too seriously, he decided to write his own and give his family one last smile and a bit of laughter.
With only two of Harris’ friends involved in the sly move, the obituary was filled with hilarious moments and statements. Harris wanted to use Brad Pitt’s picture for his obit pic, but the newspaper wouldn’t let him.
Here is the Harris’ obituary in its entirety.
HARRIS WALTER D.
Walter D. Harris, 56, of Ross Township, Pennslvania, died January 30, 2017, after losing a weak and cowardly battle with cancer. The location of his passing is none of your business. Walt was born April 17, 1960, in the back seat of a Greyhound Bus, rollin’ down Highway 41. Walt served in the Blue Tic Tavern, campus of West Virginia University (from which he graduated, eventually), during the Iran Hostage Crisis. He was employed several times over the years. He was an avid watcher rather than a doer. Mostly, he watched anything where they were keeping score. However, the Steelers were the love of his life. His personality was infectious, to the point of requiring Ross Township to impose a city-wide quarantine in 2013. Walt was a lifelong member of the Department of Redundancy Department, where he bore the honorific of “Most Redundant.” He leaves behind a spacious, 3 BR apartment with hardwood floors and reasonable utilities. Walt is survived by his son, his mother, his former wife, three brothers, and by his favorite aunt. Walt is his mother’s favorite oldest son. In accordance with Walt’s wishes, there will be no visitation, funeral, graveside or memorial service. There will be a wake in the near future, assuming we get around to it, during which only Walt’s CDs will be played. So, get ready for a lot of 17th Century chamber music! –“I’m Walt Harris, and I approve this obituary.”
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