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Your ultimate guide on what NOT to say on your first day.

What you say on your first day at your new job can be the difference between a short term employment, or a long lasting one.

If you say something strange or something that doesn’t sit right with your boss, that totally sets the tone and could be the reason you are let go within your probationary period.

1) “At my last company…” or “In my last job…”

Remember, nobody likes a Mr. or Mrs. know it all. You don’t want to stroll into the workplace on your first day acting as though you already know what to do and how to get the job done. Your new place of business may run very differently and you want to show your new employer that you are eager to learn the job their way.

2) “When do I get a raise?”

How about waiting for your first paycheck before you start throwing around the ‘R’ word. Your new boss probably wants to see how you perform prior to talking about giving you a raise.

3) “BTW, I have to leave early on Fridays.”

This is something that should have been said prior to you landing the job. It truly shows a big lack of respect and sneakiness when you bring up needing time off on your first day.

4) “Who should I meet and who should I avoid around here?”

Asking a question like this immediately implies that you are into work gossip and it will put a bulls-eye on your back. With that said, since it is your first day, you have no clue if you are asking this question to the person you should be avoiding!

5) That’s not how I learned how to do it.”

Keep statements like this to yourself. Your boss and fellow employee’s do not want to hear the new guy/gal sounding smug. A statement like this also implies that you probably don’t have a clue what you are doing.

6) “What’s the holiday party like? Do we get bonuses or a ham or something?”

Who says thing like this? You certainly shouldn’t! Just wait for the holiday’s to roll around and see if you are graced with a free succulent ham. I mean, what are you going to do if you don’t get a bonus or a ham? Quit? Get a grip!

7) “What d’ya have to do around here to get an upgrade on this company phone?”

This shows a lack of respect and it also shows that what your company is providing you for FREE isn’t good enough. Don’t like the phone…wait a while and ask if you can purchase one yourself for company use.

8) “That makes no sense.”

Saying something like this implies you are a negative Nellie…and no one likes a negative Nellie.

9) “My prior boss was clueless.”

This is one of the worst statements to make, not only on your first day but any day. This statement immediately implies to a boss or employer that you will most certainly talk about them in a negative way behind their back to other people. It just isn’t good business.

10) “I’d like to invite you all to my church this Sunday.”

Keep religion out of your opening day statements. Religion and politics are two huge no-no’s that you don’t want to be discussing on your first day. We live in a crazy society where people are little babies and if you start throwing around church talk, you could get the boot!

11) “In my opinion …”

No one cares! Keep your opinions to yourself for the few months. You were not hired for your opinions, if your opinions were so wonderful, you would be the one doing the hiring.

12) “What’s the employee discount like?!”

Take a look in the employee handbook for answers to this question. Going around asking this question makes you sound greedy and that you only took the job for the perks.

13) “Hey Claire, working hard or hardly working?!”

First off, nobody knows your sense of humor on the first day. Secondly, nobody wants the new guy/gal throwing sarcasm around the work place when they just punched in for the first time. Just remember to not give a shit if Claire is working hard or not and all will be fine.